A little bit random, but I thought I'd start with a couple of my 'you couldn't make it up' classics to tickle some ribs.
For no particular reason, these are about guys only because they come to mind right now and I'm in stitches thinking about them!
a few years back I was dating a guy who was a little on the edge of upstanding citizen status for want of a better expression.
So, around 1am one night I had a phone call which woke me from my sleep with an invitation to go out for something to eat- the clue is in the detail, he called me to invite me for a meal/ snack out.
It was a Sunday and against better judgement and with a lookbook to get done for the morning, I exercised spontanaeity, and thought hey a couple of hours won't kill me, should be fun.
So, he pulls up about half an hour later and I jump in the car and we head off to a well known all night diner in the Farringdon area. This was my first visit so I had no preconceptions of what sort of place it would be.
We parked up, got seated, looked at the menu and ordered a substantial selection of; pancakes, burgers, fries, shakes etc, it was fun to just have a selection and go with the flow as it were.
So, having got through the feast and had a laugh along the way doing a bit of people watching- if you've been to the diner you'll understand, it's an extremely mixed crowd.
So then, we get to the bill which he expertly requested with an asserted nod of the head, it duly arrived and was placed on our table.
The exact expression which I will never forget was:
'Babe, can you get this.'
At this point I refer you to the first two paragraphs, I was invited to go out for a bite to eat, had been woken from sleep and clumsily got dressed and had left with no handbag.
A range of expletives ran through my head at that point and my temples began pulsating rapidly, only force of habit saved me from embarassment that day. I had, as always, slipped my plastic into the back pocket of my jeans as a 'just in case'. Had I not, the liklihood is I would have had my first random experience of dishwashing or waiting tables or worse...
And to the above the only words I have are- You couldn't make it up if you tried!
This one is fairly current but it's still making me chuckle...
I'd been out to meet some old friends from school and was duly on my journey home about another 10 minutes away, the temperature had dropped and so I was powerwalking to forget the numb feeling creeping up my legs (I was wearing trousers I might add).
Anyway, half way down the road a car pulls up and I hear a window winding itself down. As it's dark and the road fairly deserted and I'm wearing my purple suede boots which are NOT made for running, I decide to be polite and see what it is the person in the car wants.
Guy in car: Hi, two things...
Guy in car: How do I get to Elephant & Castle
Me: straight ahead to the next lights and straight down the road, about 15mins away
Guy in car repeats back to me and I confirm.
Guy in car: Second, when can I take you out?
Me: (completely caught off guard) Are you serious?!
Guy in car: you're looking nice
Me: You haven't even asked for my name (in disgust)
We then establish names
Me: I'll give you my card, you can e-mail me
Guy in car: Where are you from? You're well spoken- you sound too good for me!!
Me: You're not selling yourself well!
Guy in car: I'll be in touch
FYI, he didn't get in touch, but I was more concerned by the expression 'you sound too good for me'- That you could not make up! Hilarious.